you know what my nick-name was?

Had i own my hayday, as told to him by Deadpool

Had i own my hayday, as told to him by Deadpool

You know what i did? i remembered a moment i had, a moment of inept unproductivness; a moment of total realization. I saw the world around me as a cartoon, and i understood the

patterns that i saw. You see, i was open to being either a villain or a hero in comic book land, because i knew that amongst my friends i was the villain, and amongst my peers i

was a hero.

What do i mean by villain? Have you ever even SEEN a cartoon? You always have a circle of friends, regardless of being a hero or a villain. And i saw for a moment as i received

a communikay from a dear friend of mine, a man i certainly felt i would rather call hero. He had my utmost respect, and in my position, that's either nonexistant or

questionable. I kill people for money. And then i backstab and rob my employers. And then i give to the poor. But then they waste it. I love it. I love the chaos i can cause

just because i kill you better than you can me. So yeah, my friends regarded me as a villain per se. The ones that underestood me in my moments of fanciful craziness, those were

what i would call a friend. Rogues some of them, and they were always parts of totally different worlds. They didn't know eachother. Some were villains, some were heroes. At

least in my eyes, affiliated with those parties. Thats what the world's made of dumbass, good guys and bad guys. You never realized that?


I told you its just a cartoon. But that moment was no fiction. I recieved a communikay, as i said, from a friend. He was going to lecture about labs in the morning. A speech! My

friend has always been regarded as a genius, the kid that just was. Wow. So profoundly smart in his own field that natural ability overflowed into things he just did as hobbies.

Like talk to other people. I was always absolutely certain that of all people, a man who was so enchanted by the world around him that he just understood it to the core, would

happily spend his time researching and doing what he loved, for ends that he was aiming for! Fun, as it was, he was intuitively fun. He just knew what worked. But the other

things he did, the things that were just hobbies, that was just naturally fun! Like talking to people. Sometimes he would talk to you, and you'd just talk for hours about all

sorts of amazing stuff, and other times, he wouldn't talk to you. He'd listen to your inane ramblings about how many heads you managed to cut off across the middle, between the

nose and the upper lip, just so you could hear them scream a little more before they died. Leave just enough brain stem down there and they just scream and scream as the blood

slowly pours out, a dying recursive muscle function. A Diminishing Sinusoidal when you plot it. And he would actually listen to that type of stuff. He thought it was funny!

Because you knew, you KNEW he would come back with such an amazing story, like how he just invented a new power source thats targeted towards autonomous flying units, and he

tested it on a neighborhood that had to be evacuated because of some crazy gas leak that happened to just occur. And it worked way too well, and he had to bust in with his crazy

save-you-ass robot; He calls you. He always had the best stories man, because they came with jobs too. I loved that fight with his gnarly ass robots. They were like flying

icecream cones that shot acid laser bullets at you. It was so trippy i swear i make smoke bombs naturally now.

Wow, see i just tend to talk way too damn much. Especially for a "stealthy" individual. Its what comes from not really getting hurt anymore. Its what they call "being an

asshole"is; you're the guy who in a fight, not only is winning, but rubbing it in. Nothing shakes a man to the core like calling him pumpkin in a girly voice, only having a

ninja be there slicing him up the middle. Only then you die, with the last thing in your dying scope of vision being a ninja with a sword dangling your innards and dripping on

your face. And you swore to god that when he dissappeared he farted. The last thing you smelled was my butt trumpet denaturing any hope of some inspiring perfume of woman to

save you. You passed on when i passed gas.

And thats what horrifies you when you die. You were nothing more than a fart to a ninja. A ninja that you wish to god would meet you in the afterlife. When you realize that if i

ever did die, you bet your ass i would figure out a way to kill a ghost.

See what i mean? I just get carried away. Right. The world's a cartoon. And i knew i was a villain because my friend was the genius scientist. And boy did that man have great

taste in cigars and food! He was the funnest individual i've ever known. I loved him like a brother.

But me? If i was the villain, the so called "mercenary of murder" as the media seems to brand me, the "god of war" was one of my favorites, but only because i hated it so much.

It let me know my story was reaching people so far down the ladder that they thought i was a god.

But my most favorite nickname? The one from my friends. I was called the God of Partying. Ninjas know how to party man. Because we know everybody thats fun, and we have the

resources to pick the most exotic adventures. OK i was lying about the resources part. We don't have shit. Except skills. We got skills that kills, ha ha ha! No but seriously.

I've heard it all.

What? No I'm a villain. I swear. So what i loot cargo container ships and give to the poor, how i taught the worlds militia and gangster run territories to fight better maintain

their reigh, only under the promise, and threat, that they use their power to take care of their families and work together with eachother, lest my ninja warriors appear and

decap their government. Which, they don't realize, i did in the first place and thats why i put them in control. And the best part? I've spread more peace through war with less

death than any king in history. or Warlord. And i'm both, bitch. I'm the prince of theives and assassins. I remember why i loved to steal as a kid, and how pointless it was to

have ownership laws in the first place, when we are all out to take care of stuff, not own it. This is how i turned south america into a single union of nation-states. In the

control of drug cartels. And they all, ALL of them, live in a paradise environment and get along with eachother. How the fuck did i take all the greed out of the slavers in

control? I killed 'em. Seriously, how the hell hard did you think THAT was. great robotchrist what the hell do you think the lords of cocaine were doing? Hmmm!!! Maybe they were

doing zigzag lines off a witch's tit? Now everyone has the freedom to do zigzag lines off eachother's cracks and live in poverty and punishment, or they can get weed for free

and live in mansions and have fun, and have the best possible education for their kids. And they get food DELIVERED TO THEIR HOUSES. Not controlled by the police, because

there's always the threat of some godhand ninja jumping out wearing your own pajamas just to fuck with you right before chopping off your left leg and clubbing you with it. The

police are mercenaries who only have one charge: take people that are fighting out. And not permanently, not the first time. Everyone is informed that, while you are all free to

carry swords and guns and weapons of own design, anyone caught fighting outside of a locally constructed arena will be hunted down by the Policing ninja and killed. Everything

else has to be contracted by someone you want protection from. Only remember that everything anyone wants is free, so theres no need to steal from eachother, or care about

money. By having elite ninjas running your smuggling operations you have become crazy rich with drugs already, and will continue to do so while any country has laws against it.

Ninjas love hating on corporate bitches who don't share nice things.

And the people of the country will be encouraged to get along! They aren't being nazi'd by bully ninjas, always under threat of breaking some crazy law and getting gestapo

stepped on. Nope you force them all to work together. Anyone can do construction, as volunteer groups demonstrate, so thats how it works. You put everyone to work covering the

country side in mansions, and the green/hydro-houses that will be supplying them with food and power. Anyone that signs up, any family that is, gets a free house. Only thing is;

you don't work on your own house. Oh no see thats the catch. We supply you with the tools, materials and lots, and you supply the manpower, but oh shit! That next guy you meet

is probably working on what might be YOUR house! Oh no! How fast do you get your house? The more friends you bring and the harder you work the faster EVERYONE GETS THEIR HOUSES.

As a House is finished a family moves in. Thats the way it works. The house you are working in might be your house! You don't know! And no one working on their own house will

build it shoddily! Any no one wants to fight anyone else because that guy's roof might be above your child's head! Don't be a dick and slap your child in the face with a roof

built by a guy you blinded!

And i'm not talking about jipping the people of this world! See this sounds like a plan people want to hate. Its too good to be true. You're going to give me free food,

utlilities, schooling, and housing? Theres enough money for this in our budget of all of us doing what we already do? Jesus! You're going to gas-chamber me!

See this is why we don't like horrible dictators that abuse their populace. Some of them turn out to be people with complexes that start exterminating humans by the score. We

aren't dictators. Im no dictator. I wear a mask all the time. I have no face. No one knows who i am, i look like the same people they see leaping from tree to tree, or the

cadets who want to learn how to be a ninja. See everyone gets to learn how to do whatever they want, and then go do it. For free. How do we have no one working?

Don't be silly. What do we need work for? Food comes from giant hydroponics facilities that we use the stock money to build. The richly filled bank accounts of the drug runners

we took over in the first place. Oh yeah about that. Yeah we smuggle stuff into countries that disagree with out own, but not stuff that hurts people. Thats just mean, its like

giving someone a great high and then having dragon-acid pissed all over the lives and melting the health away. Why not just spread around stuff that gives off a GREAT high AND

is harmless? Hallucinogens? We got em! Weed? We got that too, and its not harsh to smoke and helps you grow brain cells! Its true. You weren't told THAT in school, i bet.

Between botanists and biologists, and letting home-growers flourish, we encouraged it. Because once you make it, we'll give it to everyone, and sell it to those who say we are

evil. Because money is evil man, money is straight up just a horrible idea. What the hell?

See we got the schooling setup with this: you want free food you goto farm college for a few years and learn all about growing food, biology of food, just the science and

experience of it. Real learnable schooling that people WANT to do! Because when you do that, you are also allowed to grow whatever you want in the mini-green growing room we

install into every house that gets built or is already built, any size depending on how much room you got! So easy to grow a little bit of food on your own with the technology

we got today. And part of the schooling is actually out in the fields as a class, in rotation, doing work yourself. You're growing your neighbors food and possibly your own

food. And you're getting free food, whatever the hell you want, just like going to the grocery store and getting food like you always have. Though the trash collectors will have

two types: food/organic trash, chemical, and scrap. See your food is delivered to you. When you check off on the list what you want, and we find you throwing it away, we don't

deliver it to you for a while. We limit your purchase amount, because we ninjas are delivering the food. Thats right. See thats part of ninja school. Everyone does whatever the

hell they want, they can switch jobs at a 2-weeks notice so the preparing class will at least be informed. And all the menial work is carried out by appropriately related jobs,

in only the necessary quantities. You want to learn how to be a ninja, you have to learn how to move carrying stuff. You want to become a ninja: you have to steal his food. Or

his TV. Or whatever he's delivering. See we have the drugs, we make the money, but we don't use money, we give our people whatever they want, and we give use your money to

support our own countries.

This is why drugs are illegal, by the way. I don't know if you ever figured that out on your own, its relatively simple so i'm sure you did. Thats why ninjas do it. Because we

can get away with it there. But see we spend so much time training to be ninjas that we don't have time to collect our own groceries. We do the menial tasks for you and provide

you with the services, and ask nothing in return but to get along with eachother, and please don't fuck with us, we're not fans of killing you, you might be my buddies friend.

I'd hate to do that to him. Any of my brother ninjas might be your friend! Theres a lot of us! See what i mean? We all just get along and look out for eachother man. We aren't

defined by where we live or where we were born, or what colors we worship and what gods we think we are. We know we're all human, and if we all got along, then who knows how

much fun it could be! We're not around forever, but even if we were, why spend any of our time being angry or sad? Ninjas are also everyhwere, because part of being a ninja is

that we have to learn how to do other jobs, so we can better blend in with the outside populace that is half our home. If we do not get along with you we fail, and if we are

crappy workers, we fail, and we cannot become lead ninjas. We are encouraged to become real ninjas becase at ninja academy, until you become a ninja you have to live in the

dorms and apartments, pending what you can earn in the arena,
and we don't get our own houses for a while, unless we choose to live in hiding out in the world, which many often do.

But see no one is forced to work if they don't want. But the ninjas deliver to people with more manhours in the field than the people that don't work, and if for some reason you

didn't get any of the more fancy stuff its because other peoples orders were filled first. Orders are filled continuously, around the clock every day, by ninjas. Ninjas pick up

the fruit from the growers, who pack each shipment as the order is filled. Names are filled in succession, one order per at last 15 minutes (pending amount of ninja in your

area), as they come in from people. Multiples are filled out in accordance with most man hours. That is, Hippy, Skippy, Lippy and Drippy all ordered pineapples. Hippy had 2 man

hours, Skippy had 8, Lippy had 5 (but said he had 8, braggar) and Drippy had 40 (sweaty bastard. I bet he was a ninja in disguise.) The orders as pineapples came in are listed

in order of highest man hours at the farm-gym (mwahaha), with orders balanced by their trash-inspection. Drippy ordered 8 pineapples, but 3 were found in his trash last week, so

he gets 5 this time. Next time he gets what he orders if none were found in the trash. Sorry, its how we cut down on waste, and ninjas hate wasting time. The fastest ninja is

always one who does the right amount. Never too much, never too little. Obviously Drippy gets the first order filled with the first five pineapples to come in, despite him

ordering 8 (great work! but don't get eyes too big for your stomach!). If no one works, no one gets any food. While the farm is open to everyone to volunteer on, people at

farm-college are being taught alongside the ones that already know what they're doing. You don't have to help your neighbor if you feel like having a quiet day of pulling weeds

or more likely, picking fruit or maintaining hyroponics equipment (as thats what farm college is all about). Chores are split amongst everyone, built into every class. People

that goto class learn how to grow their own food. People that volunteer to teach get free food. See anyone that volunteers their time in any way gets free food. You helped teach

some people how to pick fruit while you learn how to maintain and build hydroponics equipment, its manhours. Or say you went with your friends because its fun to jam out in the

forest because thats where the hippies live. You can go get wasted for free and pick fruit, and get free food for it on your way out if you want. You can eat while your in the

forest if you want. Anyone that catches someone loitering and just eating food all day and he gets booted out by a ninja gets a ninja favor. Ninja favors are like money, but

they are only good with ninjas. You help a ninja, he'll do you a favor.

Ninja favors are how you pay for the not so nice things to be done. Need something from outside the border? Want a prank pulled on someone? Anything black-market or

ninja-related you can get done for ninja favors. See thats part of becoming a ninja; you have to do so many favors before you graduate. Then you can get favors whenever you

want; you're a ninja. But before you can do that you have to payback the public you protect. And not only do ninja's wander around looking for people to fight, and they only

fight people that are fighting already (thats like an invitation to them), but they wander around and give out ninja favors if you help them out or whenever they feel like it.

Ninja likes your pie, you find a ninja-favor under your pillow the next morning. Ninja thought you were cool, he slips one into your purse. Maybe he takes your lipstick to mess

with you, but its ok. You can get that NEW ninja lipstick from our catelog. Thats right, your phonebook comes with a catelog. You can go online and order too if you want. Orders

are processed as they are received, its the staple exersize of ninja. You can volunteer to do it to if you have a truck that runs on something besides gas (no gas vehicles

allowed....but you get a free bicycle), but thats another part of our society.

See we had enough ninja to do this initially, all we had to do was broadcast our plans to the people, and then take volunteers. See, with ninja protection and ninja technology

we can give everyone free food, its what we do, and then free shit as we can get it in. You want a 60" TV thats great! it might take a month or two to get you because everyone

wants one. That type of thing. There are not nearly so many stores; most things are ordered through a catelog. Stores are only built into the front of warehouses, because thats

where things go, and warehouses are in ninja-controlled bases. So even finding that is hard. But if you get to a ninja store, you automatically get whatever you want before

anyone else, because you did the job already. Anyone is allowed to walk OUT of a ninja-base, but people trying to get in that get caught, and sometimes getting caught is a

little violent pending on who caught you, are escorted off the premises to try again. The location aint a secret, just fenced. And there are so many locations than you realize,

see, we keep mini garage sized bases for 1-3 man-teams, for the items we can carry in stealth amongst the public, and those are the ones that are hardest to find. It might be

uncle-joe's closet, maybe thats how uncle-joe got all that stuff all the time.

But with people supporting their ninja the are keeping them close. The ninja's already get along, and they help people who don't get along to get along. And the kill murderers.

Now ninjas are often hired outside the country to go kill people, whatever thats crazy people hiring people that do something good. But we don't allow the death of our own

countrymen, that does not go unpunished. We'll let ourselves be the razorblade for a suicidal humans wrist, but we won't let people kill our people. We do not enforce laws on

our people, but we do hunt down murderes so we still have the highest tech investigators. Murderers are offered foreign murder service, termination in allowance of someone

outside the country to take their spot, or escorted out of our country with a full supply of 1 weeks survival material, only you get paired off with another hapless murderer who

was not informed as well that the environment was harsh and pending who had the more grisly murder, one gets their arms completely broken and the other his legs. One has to

carry the one that feeds him until they heal and escape ninja training forest with their lives. See we have no patience for idiots who kill, but we do understand the ability for

some people to come through harsh times the better for it, and respectful of at least one other person and thats the basis for respect for all life. Ninja's in the forest

learning to kill are told to only attack anyone who is alone, someone who has abandoned the closest person in a crisis. If you can't get along in a place like that, then you

might kill again. And you might kill a ninja if we let you join us. See one can always apologize for a transgression and offer to become a ninja's slave instead of him killing

you. Anyone caught killing a civilian is put through this process. A ninja caught killing ANYONE in his own country is killed on the spot, and any civilian that kills a ninja is

hunted down by his brethren anways, even if you managed to actually do it. Sorry, but you just killed a delivery guy, chef, welder, martial arts instructor. Thats more than one

guy. Anyone who kills more than one person at once is killed on the spot. It is the only law enforced by ninja, to quell harassment and fights at home, and kill the killers.

Someone starts a fight they end it. They hunt down anyone not getting along with anyone else, its true. Its how we practive our clandestine operations. We don't always do bad

things, ninjas do good things to, and you never know who they are. Its probably someone you know. They are just pretending to be a delivery person, because thats what they do

when they look for people to play with. They might be out on a mission to deliver a favor to someone, or they know you secretly did something bad to someone else, like got

jealous and destroyed their stuff. No one steals and no one robs or kills people for stuff because food and stuff is free. People who work get stuff before people who don't

work, its that simple. One hour a week is better than a bum, but even a lowly 14 hours a week, thats just 2 hours everyday of something, would be more than enough to supply you

with the things we have promised. Free food, free utlities and tools and stuff. No promised delivery dates on things we don't have immediately. You get a notification in the

morning that your delivery will appear somewhere along your day, so watch out for it. See we are ninjas. We have to help maintaing a sense of observation amongst our friends, so

we leave their shit in places. You might be picking up your FOOD from that guy that smells funny, so be nice to him. A ninja wouldn't be mean to you unless you're a mean person,

and a ninja would never ask a person who would mistreat their food to act as a delivery guy.


Its the basis of a society. We are the construct holding it up. We are all getting along just fine, and as a team, are looking to see if other countries are interested in our

prosperity. Ninjas want to spread this across the world. So we can play with aliens!

Its true. Ninja's are friends with aliens, and pirates are just another part of our "military", our navy are pirates and our army are ninjas. Our airforce is made of robots

because people are too important to risk getting shot down or blown up until the doctors figure out how to make us live longer. See people that volunteer time to sciences get

free food AND shelter while having to do a minimum of community service. Most community service is just stuff like maintaining cleaning robots, which volunteer scientists come

up with all the time anyways because the better robots they make the less work they have to do on it. In a few years we'll have robots that fix robots. Then its hardcore fun

time.

Our AI systems are anything but. Robots are just machines here, tools, they are in no position to have their circuits hacked because the ninja maintain their security (ninjas

pose as security guards and practice guarding on bots making their rounds), and their autonomous modes are extremely basic; 'spin these motors for this amount of time in this

pattern' is an example. Immobile robot fixing bays is how they've explained it to me so far, and i get all the information because i'm a ninja. One of the things we incorporate

into all schools in robot maintenance. Its simple and easy, and everyone is taught how to fix broken robots, and the robots are made out of easily produceable and replaceable

parts. Any machine that is available will not have any maintenance crews available except for volunteers, but we will supply you with whatever parts or materials you may need

for free, so learn how to do it yourself.


We have our own news channel, we tell everyone whats going on, all the time, and other countries hate us for it. We don't lie, because we'll take you with us on a trip of you

want. It might be a little dangerous to pick a dangerous locale, but places that are ninja-friendly are vacation destinations, and we give free transportation to our countrymen

as well.

The more ninja we got the quicker we can fill orders. You can volunteer too, and you automatically start getting benefits, no wait period. Your name goes on the list and your

orders are part of the large list we already instituted.


Whats that? Right well ok i went on rather long there. How did we take them over you say, and encourage a continent of people to get along and be happy? Because we told them

that we would help them do whatever they wanted, we knew how to organize them. And we inititally started small, the ninja community grew by supporting our own ranks until we had

enough men to engage in a domination operation. When we had enough men to successfully decapitate a large enough territory, we did it. And we instituted this same ideology

amongst the household or farm we took over. We as ninja already had the ability to pirate anyone and give them what they wanted, and had the technology to build the hydroponics

farms. See we had the malicious intent of unifying all these people and what do we get out of it? We don't have to do the menial jobs if we don't want to, we do the deliveries

we get what we want first before anyone else that doesn't do stuff for themselves. And we have our own students earning stuff for the club; because thats what every single

school is taught like. We are all teams working together as a people, as a nation, but we as ninja treat it like a gang. Every man is your brother here. We all help eachother,

we are all friends. And thats what we ask our teachers to teach in the free classes we offer. We offer teachers free food and shelter and whatever they want, provided they don't

mind volunteering some hours a week to help teach others. Ninjas will still only deliver to people with volunteer hours over people without them, and since volunteer hours are

public information and are posted and continuously updated and can't be denied, and that includes teachers we invite to swell our ranks. They just get double hours for being

involved in a scholarly endeavor. Same goes for anyone involved, students or teachers. Time you spend in class counts as doubler for time you spent working. You goto class,

you're work hours double or possibly triple, pending on the total percentage of school time out of total daylength.

We are the amassed working class combined with the schooled and learned. We are educated, happy, and getting along witheachother despite differences. The more people you see

running around happy to work with you the better life you know you'll have because ninja's keep you safe from idiots who would harm you, and all the neighbors make orders appear

quicker. Ninjas, with robot assistance, are poised to offer all the services in great misproportion to their numbers, and they enjoy doing the seemingly odd menial jobs, when

all we do is just deliver stuff. If people want to setup kitchens, they have to log the man-hours to order the equipment, or they can build their own.


Space what? Oh just space. Right. See, space is the only real limit, right? So we allocate it equally to every person, or we make up for it. People living in a below average

squarefootage, say another encouragement to let a ninja use some of your space, it means you have more square footage to use elsewhere. The amount each person gets is just the

total surface area of controlled land divided into pieces as many as there are people. Thats the average space you can rent on any given moment. Some people choose to live in

several apartments spread out across the place instead of one large estate. This is encouraged, since we offer free transportation and travel. And as ninjas organizing people to

get along with eachother, any service job not erased by a machine is done by a ninja or volunteer. (Remember volunteers get manhours, which is favor for the ninja who have your

next order of food and stuff.)


All media is free, including concerts that are only limited to time, and space volunteered by people who have it. Public space is setup and maintained by volunteers, and ninjas

(ninjas do everything, remember?). The public space works like any other order, your name doesnt repeat until the list starts over again; everyone else has gone once. Ninjas

obviously can only expand their space as we get more ninjas in our ranks, but that doesnt mean you can't volunteer for a local ninja today! See thats how ninjas fish for

potential ninjas, we work alongside them and we offer suggested names to all ninjas, and they all have to agree to let that person in. Same goes for our country. People that

don't get along are often split up until they can resolve their differences. And there are no jails, ony ninjas in hiding everywhere, but who are not allowed to raise a finger

to anyone who hasnt' swung at them first. See, they can't be bullies, other ninjas won't allow it. We are a police state, roughing up our own people and forcing them into

slavery. We as ninja punish only eachother for misbehaviour, if a ninja misbehaves theres always the possibility you might end up working in solitary for a while. Or doing the

work no one wants. Ninjas make mistakes, but like we try to teach our countrymen, we take care of our own. A ninja knows if he gets caught by another ninja he's gonna have to

fight probably everyone else, and get his ass kicked, or he gets told on by a civilian he'll have a ninja watcher put on him. See, ninjas always live and act in pairs. When a

civilian complains about a ninja, we take them all seriously, and the ninja under question is given a new partner thats a watcher who waits to see if the ninja acts out again or

at least keeps him from doing it a small while.