Pharmaseussicals

Starfist.
bleary + delerious = belearious: can't see, can't think....

My plans are abstained by the juice of your discontent.

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Funny thing, words. I wonder how many of you think about how people think....people think in words n pictures. But thinking with different words, ie languages, is interesting in that totally different languages use a different language base, that is, things that are abstract are usually thought of very differenly, hence differences in culture. For example, relating all the ways in which a word is used together influences the thought process. That is, there seem to be many ways to say the same thing, but with rather noticeable constructual differences.

the way in which someone relates themselves to their environment as well.

which things are objectified, personified, or otherwise labeled, are verifiably viewable.

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phone call: commencing....
dialed.

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Useful tools are worth their weight, but are they worth the wait? Waiting, Waiting, Waiting is all i seem to ever do. What a waste of senseable change.

I've got all i need to accomplish goals of learning, i would think. but not all my travelling gear. im not on a big travel yet though really....all i wanna do is goto hawaii and learn to sail i guess. Does it really matter? yes. i mean. its something to do thats good for me. right now, i guess thats teh source of all the stress: i ain't doing anything really for myself. i work, but nothing really holds my attention lately. I got myself some tools, this computer, loaded it with some software i haven't touched (fruityloopticals, amongst others) its like a big facade. i got a lot things you use as a relaxation maneuver sort of.....distractions. videogames. music machines. movies.

things that don't work so much anymore. i yearn to be....with anyone that'll do shit with me. my cousins are cool, but they're busy as fuck with their own lives. i can't demand attention, thats nonsense! But i can keep moving around til i find more people that move around too. I don't need to get people to like me by what i can give them, but just find the ones who like me for, well, what i do and who i am, not what i got or can get.

Sure, i'd just LOVE to show up randomly one day, and invite you guys onto my boat, as if i was suddenly a rich pirate king. But its the getting their that i'd rather have company for, not just the afterwards. As if it were some gauntlet i had to go through on my own just so i could be worthy of friends that, all of us together, could hang out.

Guess thats what happens when you grow up a dorky kid, getting picked on all the time, with parents who favor buying out their attention instead of genuine understanding.

guess thats what these pharmaseussicals are for then: colorful placebos designed to replace close friends with fuzzy little mantras and feathers in an odd, drunken place. well pah!

misunderstranded....

indeed.

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i'd love to show up n save the day. i know we'll get that watercell built eventually, but its all just...what is it? dreams are about as substantial as the actions used to fulfill them. like words, man. If something ain't worth saying, then its hardly worth doing. i can motorboat my face right up into the tantalizing treats of lady luck herself....and probably get slapped for it. I want to do everything i've ever wanted. I've got nothing to lose really, nobody Has opportunities, no more than you "have" the wave you ride on. the surfboard doesn't have to be yours to carry you on a wave. Or the boat :D

Like some kind of anti-game, anti-story, these acts keep repeatin with no closure, no woven plot, with a cast of extras and a sky full of dead stars.

so i wiggle back a little bit this time, the perverbial ink wagging the pen.

its an attitude, an attitude i need to get away from points of stress. What bothers me? the lonesomeness. the man. and your mom.

so im not out of "here" i don't live here. i've just been staying here, sort of. Here's been staying me. its not a "get out of here" attitude, its a "wheres next". Here is ok. couple tools could come in handy. but as long as i keep my head, i'll always be alright. food, sometimes shelter, water. boomsticks. ok ill do for a sword. what? lol. k really though, what about monsters? guess if i come across any i'll find a weapon.

circle:

you find a god, you find its monster. find a monster, find a weapon. find a weapon, find yourself. find yourself, find a god.

see? easy enough when you can break it down. figure out which one you're dealing with, and then find which one you need to take it down. Or play it like a wheel of fun and find what you want. There are two avenues to each part, see? need a weapon? find a monster that succumbs to it or find osomething that suits you. need a god? find yourself, or find its monster.

work backwards, or forwards, in a sense, they are both the same.

each person's self consists of how they think of their god, themselves, and the monsters they are afraid of. The god and monster are perhaps the measureable parts of a persons reach into either area. freud was clsoe, but he was too hopped up on sex. and mothers. seriously.

speaking of, whats with this whole parents, father, mother business? sure families are cool, but what would happen if we all worked differently? Sideways instead of stacking? Like, as if all men acted like brothers towards eachother, and all women as sisters? As if when you had a son, you treated it more like a fellow human, another brother to be raised with everyone, instead of as some kind of....slave/belonging/hindrance/mouth/hope/vicarious vessel/food?

I want to encourage women to take over the world. I really think thats what i should go for. they can, if they don't already (lol, what do i know?).

Men should never offer a woman anything less than anything she wants. a woman can thus measure a man by the way in which he tackles said trade. A man shouldn't offer a woman something for nothing, a trade would work out better. Both parties shouldn't be offended with "no's". (silly people, honestly! its part of the game). Women shouldn't back out if a man delivers a request. Thats just not cool. As in any trade, neither side really has to commit if they don't want. Not the end of the world, just come back later or find someone else, or just be friends.

All physical confrontations should only happen in a ring, whether a little wooden fenced pigsty in suddernville alabama or a stone coliseum in rome. Seriously, you can't change the way people will act generally, so just deal with them differently. Man attacks you on the street, cops get you and throw you both into a ring. man attacked you and you were unamred? well you get a weapon, and he doesn't. Thats fair. You still lose? well sucks to be you. you shoulda not been so worthless. If you lose a fight to say, a boundngagged person and you have a gun, then really. What good are you? Cops won't be necessary. local coliseums will hav elocal mercenaries, who double as teachers at the training places. people can hire them where they want.

people, doing what they want.

it'd be easiest to implement with women in control.

I know how to do it. Start a small group, make it bigger. I'm not talking about from the inside, as if you could lobby for a group and then vote yourself in. Revolutions don't have to be bloody, but it helps. and its fun! lol just kidding. but seriously, revolutions and rebellions, rennaissance as the french would reminisce, can't be achieved within the means of the current control. What, you would play dice with your enemy, and his dice, AND his rules? And you expect to get anywhere outside of his pocket?


Seriously, i think i could encourage women to take over the world. It would be women saying "Look, you can live in peace, or you can leave in pieces. Its up to you."

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so i goto learn to sail, get a boat, encourage friends like you to come with me. Seriously. We'll each have our own boat if you want, so we can have a little fleet going on and just sail where we want. what? offer will always stand. you all do what you want. this is what i'll be doing. you get sick of the rat race, and perhaps want to just tell uncle sam to stick 2 in the poo, i'll be somewhere, learning to sail.

probably hawaii. what? i'll come visit or something around christmas time, if nothing else, ok friendly friends?

little mermaid is on. later.