in tears i cannot substantiate do i relate my fears to you

I CAN ONLY KILL YOU; I CANNOT MAKE YOU STRONGER.

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but when you survive me will you find the strength within you.

///

i am the blackest sheep.

i am halved. i need to rid myself of one of these halves, i cannot hold them both. in one hand do i hold the strength to keep you in my grasp, and in the other lies the endless need for another.

i am sorry. and i'm not.

it needs to be shrugged like so much of atlas's burden.

i am a destroyer and i cannot escape it.

i never wish to. I am what i am and the sufferage i instill; the pain that i cause, the emptiness i carry in consequence bring me no solace.

let it be known i am two steps from plunging this silly planet into catalytic growth. into inexorable chaos.

i have let too many escape my grasp. I have pretended to be some moral aptitudinal hero in the past, ignoring urges and worse from what i assumed was demons' speak in the gutters of my mind.

i can relive the moment of gaining my first best friend forevermore in my mind. I punched him in the right eye. then apologized. he was mine. i still have yet to understand why people work this way. i didn't like it then and i don't like doing it now. maybe i should learn to.

I am a controller. a manipulator. i understand you humans to the core you so abstain from understanding; the inner threads you hate to accept in your prideful stance. I know you all. every single one of you misunderstood so-called individuals.

but along the lines i loved to be nice, and learned to hate being mean. and i lost it. i lost it all. i became a pussy. a nice guy. a worthless doormat. a best friend.

i can get what i want when i want from anyone who walks this plane. as soon as you lay eyes upon me you know it too and you fear me for your life. you know i'll take it the second i want it, regardless of my frivolous wants or serious procedures. unless you are a faster rabbit you fall prey to my desires. its like this world is my playground.

and lucky for the rest of you fucks I grew tired of the lack of challenge.

///

too bad for you i've learned from my past. My past. the only thing resilient to my charms and wishes. my powers.

i want you and only you. you are as of yet the only one to enchant me and survive me. i will keep you forever, as long as you never die. the second you succumb will i be disappointed. i've destroyed so many, i've overcome so much its worthless to recount. you were the perfect balance of giving me what i want while remaining an independent, unconquerable deity. my love may be made up and worthless; my hate a facade of acting. But my attraction to you has never veered, never failed. i want and need you like no one else.

i hate being incomplete. I love myself more than you. what little there is left of me. you will always be a part of me.

the assertive domination i feel i must leash you with i can never do. because that is the part of you that i love. the indomitable. you chose to be with me when you did. and you choose to be with another. i have always respected that.

when i lose that respect will be when i manifest my wholeness. when i care no longer for the choices of others shall i overcome my final weakness. or so as i see it, my final insecurity.

you will be pruned; along with loneliness and frienship, love and hate. the need to live will be placated with the numbing fortitude of immortality.

and i will leave you all. whether i leave you all in your graves or in a circle of pointless reincarnation remains to be seen. the details are fuzzy as much as a forest on the horizon. as much as craters on the moon.

as much as colors of the stars.

beyond the insufferable details of my dreams.

////

i am ever surprised i am alive, still alive and feeling the future coming.

///

YOU CAN NEVER KILL ME; YOU CAN ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER.