Sufferous Rage of the suffrage

imagine, if you will, that the fear that makes you suffer, was outrageous.

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Today was an outrageous day. I walked into my job, and asked a few people if they wanted to go home. One of them said "sure! thanks!!" it was a flattery. It was slightly disconcerting about my initial hopes for the evening. It was the cutest girl there. The one i couldn't help looking at last week. She is just.....amazing. The pure definition of the word "visually stunning". When i catch her out of the corner of my eye; my first instinct reaction is to twist in that direction and go "whaaaaaaa?" or at least think it. I have enough self-control to not burst out with something that absurd.

She seems a bit interested though, so i'm still a little optimistic about it. I'm not doubting my ability; only my odd luck factor. I won't have to write about how i almost bought a girl i work with a drink, until she just had to work too late and i left, only to hang out with Liz, a girl who still attracts me stronger than i had assumed.

And all i have to say about both of these girls is that their tall. That is the newest distinctive shared badge between them. The one i haven't gotten to know yet; she still has the 1st place. Its not that she's just prettier or anything, its because there is no competition. In truth, the one i work with i'm going to ask out the next time i see her. Just straight up out to dinner or a movie or a show or whatever i get the feeling she would have fun at. Because i have fun everywhere. I just want a hot girl who always has fun. She is Fun. and this one just happens to be waaay hot.

So wacky!

ah well. I have gotten Liz to hang out with me at the house for a moment; even if it was just to smoke her out (hah! i have unnaturaly large monster lung power. Its all the gym. Hah! all that asthma nonsense when i was kid is nonsense. You would never know it the way i am now. I swear i think there's more to mental conception than most people put a mind to. You'd see it too if you paid any attention to it. Pay attention to how you think about things, and the things that come into your life. When you find the patterns, call me and we'll talk. But not until you start to believe in the tinest bit that you have some sort of direct control over your life.

I'm not just temptation. I'm selfish fertilizer. I do all i can to get you to do what you think you can't.

thats why i need to find myself a questionmark. I'd marry a question mark in a moment. I'd marry two of em, i love em so much, ya knows? Because it would be perfect; i would know exactly what she was. I know what a question mark is. I know every there is to know about questionmarks; because there isn't that much you can know. It's a question mark. You know it but you never know what its thinking. And a question mark knows what it is.

but it makes up whatever it wants because it likes to. it likes to play games with you.

thats why i would stay with a question mark above all others. To me, a question mark would survive the falling skies with me. And it would be as natural as a dance. and as fierce as any fight. as natural as any two enemies falling in love. Or at least with that high of a chance of ever happening.

But hey; im stronger than any hope, i want to survive. Hope has to fail; thats the damage of having hope; the opposite is stronger than you. If you be what you want, you simply become a hope to someone else without ever knowing. But the only road to being what you want in this society to is to become what you hate. Because hate always kills hope. And nobody wants to be what they hate.

Thats why its what you keep thinking you see yourself as. Are you what you told yourself you'd never become? Did you finally reach that pinnacle you desperately avoided until now? That disgusting example you despised with inexorable repose, and then whoops! Crap. Now what?

What have i become, and how to do i get out of it?

And you keep going in that damn circle until you realize that its all just in your head, so why not be a little more careful of what you run through your head? We are all programmers of our lives, and our thoughts are the code. And don't let your subconscious run too far; it can't ever be under your control for too long, so its best to just let the two of you be instead of forcing some sort of remission. Just don't forget when you should growl, or when you wish you could purr, or when you feel silly about the both of those things ever happening.

Hah! People. So self conscious its silly. I almost want to join a nudist society, until i remember that the good thing about people is that it covers them up so you don't have to be scarred and wishing it never happened. But seriously. I'm always going to be that guy.

That guy who runs through the party after smoking and drinking more than you; naked and swining my wang around while still maintaining to avoid any trying to catch me. My only hope in that game is that i can get a crowd going.

Thats my largest motivation i've uncovered and realized; i like to get a crowd going; or sometimes at least thinking i am, and worse the hope that i am. LOL! ah well. Its not that large of a problem; besides, it fuels my sense of humor! I love to spread the laughs, man. Really.

sometimes i make them grimace though; i overdo it, as it were. You know; frowning takes more muscles, so overdoing it on the smiles would naturally cause someone to be overcome and frown. You know its happened, or at least that i've done it before. I went that extra inch and just made you cringe or shake you head after making you laugh. Ah well.

I want a girl who bites me when i do that. Theres so few girls with bite! seriously! and im not after the mean-spirited bite, i mean the bite like you bite into some food. Like you just wanted to taste them, or perhaps mixed up your lust for flesh and your hunger for it.

Hey! It happens. on occasion. Just please, ladies, don't ever forget your teeth. There are places where they are wanted, and places they are not. So knowing when to use them is guard against ignorant teeth scrape-age on the more tender places we contain. Ok?

any question-marks in the world today? "Anyone?", i address the crowd in a retired voice.

/gets of soapbox/

and happy noodle boy goes home.

I dwell in music. Sometimes i can see it, sometimes i hear it. And then i realize that i've only been seeing and hearing it all this time. And then i think i might be getting something wrong; and it all goes downhill from there. But i love the music every second of my spiraling life.