and you wonder WHY

sheezus man. and you wonder WHY it's hard to smile when you're me.

i spent a lot of time working on that song, i practiced it, played it all the way through, it thought it was at least presentable.

of course i can't even play it all the way through, WHAT THE GODDAM FUCK? why do my hands fail at life? right when its time for the glory shot, BOOM my brain forgets everything. that and the way my voice sounded over the PA was not the same as it sounded as me in the garage.

fuckin a man. and the faces of a crowd of people who never smile when i play seriously is debilitating. nobody nods their head to the beat, no one gets into the guitar solo, nuthin but blank stares that would frighten a care bear into permanent hibernation.

and you wonder why i write moany, whiny, angry shit in this fucking blog. goddamit! because life keeps on keepin me down! no support, from nobody except me. nobody to hit when im angry, so i take it out on the dog and feel bad about it later.

i practice, "keep practicing" well fuck you buddy. i need support. just one person, thats all, and i can't even garner that. i get politeness, but thats not enough. never is, because I can smile through my teeth too.

i wonder if i've been banging my head against a wall for 7 years sometimes. cursed.

cursed cursed, everywhere i turn. when do i get a freakin break man? just one freakin break. lametastic.