my will to be helpful is waning

i had a dream recently, where i had to stop being nice to people in order to save myself. I had to cut out doing the things where i go out of my way...

and im starting to wonder if its something i should do in the waking world. Do i come across as a doormat? Really, whats the deal? Where'd the karma go? I thought i was doing nice stuff for people, being helpful....

the return shipment is somewhere, but its always so slow for some reason. The best analogy i can think of is that....the amount of bad luck i've gone through has yet to be balanced out in the other direction....

yet.

not for me to worry about i guess.

....

and what the fuck is with the women lately? wth, the bedroom is a team effort here ladies, just laying there is about as sexy as an armadillo. no wonder people are up in arms at war all over the place, women forgot how to work it in the bedroom.

Oh, sure, men would like to pretend that they are in control of the world, and women would love to complain about it to keep that idea alive.....but we all know that it comes down to the bedroom, and women should be having the final say. but not when you learned to have sex from watched beached whales on the discovery channel.

that was the LAST thing i needed, btw. I actually started laughing and just got up and left in the middle of it.

see, this is what happens in real life. I'm sitting on a project that's fucking awesome, but i feel so totally uninspired to share it with people or even finish it because there is no good woman in my life. all i've got is my imagination, and if i use that too much i'll just go off the deep end more than likely.

here we go then, better hold my breath and see what happens....