quality

i liked the 3rd spiderman movie.

i now return to late nite nitrospection (that is, introspection).

i would like to imagine that I can't seperate fiction from reality, when in truth, i can. It doesn't keep me from dreaming. Or wishing.

I try not to compare myself, or my life, to those found in stories or legends. It doesn't match up very well; its apples n Great Big Melon Sized Oranges. Fruits, sure, but incomparably so.

LOL i'm not talking about suiting up and being a Hero, or a Villain; what would I do? I'd probably be a dick. And i'm not talking the Christopher Brandon kind either.

We know it, i'm a nice guy who breaks things or hurts by accident due to carelessness. Undisciplined, carelessness. And the only way i seem to be able to take care is to slow down; but when i slow down i feel like i'm not doing the best i can. I feel like i can do it faster, better, more efficient. So the cure is bitter and seemingly unwholesome.

I've no super-powers; nor any real scientific genius. In fact, if i were to try and name one thing that was outstanding about me it would be my balls. Its true. I can do anything. Even if not very well. Fearless. which might not be healthy, or any sign of smarts for that matter, but fearless i am. I almost wish i was afraid of something, i think it would expand my perception; i think i may have lost sight and empathic response to things. I feel like a lunatic most of the time, as if i was from the Moon and i was constantly in wonder of the world around me. The perverbial deer in headlights syndrome. And bravery is no braggable trait. Nor is lunacy or Super Imaginative DayDreamer.

I don't want the recognition or titles or crowns or anything of the sort; i would just like to be ABLE to do great things. and thats great in my eyes (the only ones i can see through.) I want to be super strong so i can expand the amount of things i can do and the speed at which i can do them, not so i can be a cape-wearing do-gooder. I've no obligation to share things with the world; unlike the world's opinion of me, apparently. I would, probably, because its fun sometimes, but i don't like doing things if i feel like i'm expected to do it.


I don't know why. I never have. its always bothered and disgusted me. I don't like being depended on for things you should do yourself, like i do for myself. And i think people really don't like me for that. I could imagine that if i did wake up with super powers that i'd still be the same person. I have a tendency to push the envelope too far and if i had super powers, that'd just land me in deeper trouble than i've managed already. But i could do such great things, i love to accomplish things. But accomplishment for me is unfulfilling if theres no tangible results. I can't just make up goals for myself and reach them; its just too laughable. Its why i like to build things, from songs to structures; the finished pieces are trophies unto themselves for me; even if in truth they aren't that great, i guess.

What i'm trying to say is that i am unsure of my own quality. In any given respect. And it sucks because i know that its only of my own consequence, and not by any other hand, even Fate's far reaching grasp. I can reassure myself and say I am of a High Quality! but its just another way of fooling myself. In that respect, its no different than thinking i'm worthless. I measure myself by what I can do; and thats why i feel so inadequate compared to who i want to be.


i want to fall in love. but i am unsure of how it happens or how to go about it. Greatest mystery in the history of Man, i think.

i want a woman i can love, who loves me back.

rant over.

Good movie! i'll probably see it again sometime. I like how it was done and i want to shake Sam Raimi's hand, along with everyone elses. Bruce Campbell's cameo made me laff, really hard.

nitenite