ruses are red, bruises are blue

its been a year since i was inarguably at one of my more stupider moments. (last 4/23 in which i ran around naked and whatnot and got toasted and drunk at a strangers house)

what have i accomplished since then?

whooooboy. doesn't look to pretty. I went to the gym more right after that, and stopped smoking a bit, for a couple months, til my vacation, in which i quit my job and got lazy again....stopped going to the gym after that, at least regularly. Owchers on that one. I'm seein n feelin it now.

Pretty much worthless after that, didn't finish anything and eventually broke my guitar when i lost my second job (though it was by accident, i had not intent to break it). And where am i now?

i've done some writing, and gotten much more involved in the other story i've been writing. I've been doing music on my computer and having fun with it. Hell, i've even been able to come up with my own science projects, though i'm still just as slow in going through with them.

I haven't gotten laid since then either. a year man. lametastic. at my age! what the hell! loserific.

ANd i wonder.....what the hell. What is going on. I try hard i get smacked down, and when i don't need to i make it harder on myself by being lazy o r whatever. laazy isnt' the word. i'm not lazy when i'm happy. i've been grinning and bearing it for a while, but i haven't been really happy except for sparse moments. Like when snowboarding; that was juts a blast, seriosly. i'm just very wary about how much damage i might actualyl incur on myself while trying ot learn it; i managed to stay healthy through that bout but there were so many times i could have sword i ripped or blew something, having wrenched it way harder than anything else before, and nothing. Nada. Wacky. Me, fine as always.

I should be a stuntman. i can tumble down stairs constantly for money. On fire. Fighting a band of ninjas and a mutant wumpus.

whatever that is.

so where am i now? on my way, i guess. I wish i could speed up time, even just for a small moment, and i can't. Its on my list of science things to study and have fun with. I don't want to slow time down or stop it; i want to speed it up. I want to concentrate it. Distill it out of other things, and fill up others. i want to plant time and watch it grow.

siiiiigh, but i can't do any of that today. Today, thet only day i ever live in. The only day i can't ever escape. The only time that has no room for my plans. I have to buy my way through time to get to a place where i can do what i want.

Who the fuck started milking the life out of me, and said it was ok? Who started taking my time away from me?

One day someone is gonna wake up and see that at one time, we were all gods. And we've let ourselves become enslaved to eachother. What great rift happened amongst us in times of old to rip a whole species into different warring races? What the hell, really. Why do i gotta pay because other people can't get along? Why do i gotta die, so someone else can live? What, you like them better than me, you want them around more often? Well why do i gotta die about it? If you like them so much go save them yourself. Don't send me off dying for you.

In the end, we all die. Why should anyone ever have to do it for someone else? Why would you ever ask that of someone? So what makes us so different as humans, then? If we all die? Why does anyone feel the need to rule someone else? Why do we let those who do get away with forcing us into it?

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In other news, i only have one thing to say about people and carrying weapons. That is, the only guaranteed change to society by having armed people, is that they now have the option to use a higher level of violence in extreme cases. No guns = what, a knifed person? a dude with a black eye? Then again, unarmed people will only learn to make weapons out of anything available. Seems to me that violence should be viewed as an answer, considering most of us use it or have used. Why pretend its a bad thing? People are gonna do it. Its like banning something. It doesn't make it go away, so why ignore it or call it bad? People are gonna get violent sometimes, so let them do it somewhere. Give them a no hold barred ring to get into, knowing that entrance is always under full self-consent, and there is no guaranteed assistance to help you out should you climb in there and get your ass beat. lol. nah that'd only make people more violent, though it seems it wouldn't, right? because you gotta remember that with people, any repeated activity sprouts some sort of social growth, all in magnitude with respect to the amount of people and for how long they do whatever it is they're doing. You let a bunch of people fight all the time, people start hitting kids.

I don't know what to say about what it means when kids are running around killing people. I'd say, what the hell, be more careful around kids. They're our future. When its young college people, i'd say: lookout. Youthful vigor and ingenuity is just as explosive a fuel as experience and dementia in the fires of a killer's heart. a killer doesn't have to have killed; thats just how you get known as a killer. A killer is anyone that feels like they could, or would in some situation, decide to at least try and kill someone. The outcome depends entirely on your physical ability after that, once the decision is made.

So why would anyone ever want to kill someone else? well considering most people have no clear idea what death is, due to so many stupid religions and whatnot. But that doesn't matter. All you have to know is that people can die, and they do it, all the time. We're big fans of it. Some people love it so much they jump about it. But we don't really remember that it happens to all of us, including ourselves, with no discrimination between us. We all end up just as dead as the last guy. So why not work a little more towards better life for everyone still alive? I mean, as far as we can all readily tell, we're the ones that are around. No ghosts or gods. No zombies. Just living people and dead bodies. There's are no dead people; only dead bodies. Or maybe people do die, what do i know? I don't. So i'm gonna pay more attention to my life instead. I'll keep an eye and and ear out for any new news on death, but i'm gonna work with what i know before i work with what i don't. And i choose fun and happiness for now.

Maybe its because, even though it sounds fun (probably from too many videogames), i wouldn't ever want to go out and start killing people. I like people, because they make for a funner life; Though i also think there are too many people around, and don't mind so much when they die, i'm not having a hand in it. At least not directly. If i invent some super weapon and other idiots use it to kill eachother, then oh well. I guarantee you this; i won't release any weapon that i'll let be used against me. I will always have first dibs on my inventions. That and anyone working on them with me, of course. Doesn't mean i won't sell 'em later, say especially when i can disable them all at once and disarm whole armies about to whomp on eachother, oh that'd be hilarious. I'd do that.

I'd reinvent the gun just to play a gag on a whole empire's army. Its a watergun! Haha! maybe you should remember we have other things to do than fight all the time. The planet's been running wild in her rebellion against the rampant waste of her fruits and will soon come to call. One way or the other. Whether its giant monsters awakening out of the depths of the earth, and you can be sure that there are depths somewhere down there, or its gonna be some brutal weather. Not just fatal or dangerous; but vengeful, lust brutality. I think the earth likes to take baths now n then. Lets just put ourselves in a position to not get thrown out with the bathwater, hmmmm?