lack of proper muse

it would seem that the mic on my little mp3 players is top notch....when it comes to the higher end sounds coming out of my amp. My trills and thrills on the lower strings don't register though, and it sounds like trashy ass. that and i was really messy playing today, heart just couldn't get into it. hey man, its like that sometimes. I can't just sit down and play music any old time yet, though i wish i could. and when i listen to the crap i play afterwards, it really makes me wonder what the fuck i was thinking putting so much time into it. My instincts are not so great when im not in the zone.

And that leads back to wanting to kill anyone responsible for me not being able to be the me i want. bugger. by my own standards that means me, but i'd kill everyone else on the planet before myself. well, almost everyone at any rate.

oh well.

hopefully, i'll be able to go snowboarding tommorow. If i hadn't lost my job, it wouldn't be a problem. I can borrow all the 'quipment from cousin, but i have no cash for the mountain pass. bummeroni n cheese man.

I had a dream the other nite where i didn't let anyone give me shit. i liked it. i need to be more like that in real life.

i didn't get any sleep last nite, so i just laid there thinking about the next ninja story, how to tie them together more later on, how to lead into my longer stories, and about next generation weapons. people don't realize it, but Lord of War is one my more favorite movies. If i knew how to get into it i'd LOVE to be an arms dealer. fucking have to know people balogne. i'll just make my own.

shitty local commercials.

bah. 'nite.