i put the mo' in the mojo. with some flow-jo

twice as lost on an emerald high.... whooo! green eyes man.

so lets break things down. its good to have dreams! and goals!! lets share mine, just for fun. these are my two most important things i think about: the person i am and the woman i'm looking for.

no really! lets start with the star of the show, my lady luck:

..... lets sum this up: ayla + asuka + kim possible + jubei (jiyu nanahana, lol) + lucca. that about covers it right? asukas determination/competitiveness but with kim possible's self confidence and maturity, jubei's supreme ninja ability and tact with ayla's supreme power and royalty (and grace), rounded out with lucca's imagination, curiosity, analytical logic added to everyones observational skills. overall sum of sexual energy, fighting styles, and sense of humor. oh yes. the rollercoaster. Final product: The Goddess. just like it pretty much captures it on that movie poster right there. ->

that covers the strengths of the 3 parts of a woman: creativity, innocence, growth of the child + mind, spirit, strength and beauty of the young woman, and wisdom, grace, and presence of the queen. Balanced with each of their opposites: short fuse, destructive(conniving) cruelty of the child, the ferocity, and oversensitivity and grudges of the young woman, and the disenchanted and ice cold emotionless ice queen.

The type of person who would stand up for you and with you, or would strike you right where it hurts. Who wants pollyanna or a she-devil? nobody. But a good mix? oh yeah baby! she's out there somewhere! The kind of woman who would just chill out with me in front of a bonfire after a night of celebration or competition, or yell at me for being messy or cuz she's grumpy.(sensitivity to calm happiness, or sensitivity like anal. two sides to every coin matey, if you study enough coins you start to get it after a while.)

You see, a person has a measure of their strengths going on at any one moment, along with any weaknesses. A confident character won't doubt their self-confidence much worse than a dismissed thought, but that same self confidence that will fuel up a winning attitude in a fight can lead just as strongly down dark thoughts. I know my quarry. My unrevealed prey shall be recognized on the spot. I would not be satisfied with a half of the whole, any size piece smaller than the whole would not do. I am prepared to handle the whole shebang.

This type of person is the same person regardless at what point along they are at. Still working on some areas? so am i! i'm not here to change anyone into who i want them to be. A person with all the right qualities (frosting) but not a matching lifestyle (cake) isn't what i want. The attitude, teh way she lives is more important. (that and looks.) but i can recognize the paired up capabilites of a person, and thus even if i meet my woman when she's in super bitch mode, i'll still fall just as madly in love for her. Which might be troublesome if that were our first meeting. But i wouldn't want someone who didn't want me, what kind of life is that? I'm not saying i'd give up easily, but im no stalker either (eeeesh, thats disgusting.) If i felt like i was unwanted, i'd ask. straight up ask her. Any woman i'd be attracted to like that would (more than likely) give me at least just a straight up answer in return. if not a little exagerrated but still in the same direction. No matter if shes being a villain or heroine, i love it all!

so thats the ideal woman. I can't wait! the perfect woman! The most important thing i'm looking for? someone who moves like i move, our flow of thinking flows right along, our flow of living merges and grows stronger, true love baby! life is straight up BETTER with them around, and the bottom line of the relationship is you want them, need them almost, around and no one else would ever, ever do.

so theres this version of me i have i need to do better at working towards. I mean, i'd like to a better man for my woman, and its got pure benefits for me as well!

to use analogies, lets use fiction again. deadpool + goldenboy + spiderman + 1000 others! I am the composite of what i want myself to be, i admit i know myself far better than she so far. i mean, i haven't even met her yet. (i may have dreamed about her a few times, but that doesn't really count.) The combined effort that is The Ninja! The best parts to make either the greatest villain and hero at the same time. The hyper energy, adventurous attitude and unconditional love of the child, the invincible strength of body mind and spirit, along with the beauty of youth, and the wisdom, knowledge and level-headedness of the king. a the science creativity helps in fighting and the warriors determined spirit that also channels into adventure and study and discovery, along with a different point of view (line of thoughts and thinking) that borders on crazy, helping in all fields.

I have my weaknesses to: absolutely never quits, but hard to get moving sometimes. I can throw all my energy into something, a punch, a project, anything, but sometimes i don't think about consequences first. Invincible to pain, but prone to blame myself too much for stuff. unbreakable self confidence, but also cocky asshole. Loves to do funny things to make you laugh, or if i go on the wrong tangent i'll just be mean and think its funny (eeeeesh, i hate that one, i really try hard not to do that anymore.) I try to better myself and take care of my physical self, but also prone to being narcissistic. Can be the hero of the day, or sent here to destroy you. part starscream (scientist logician, goal oriented, never quits) part devastator (brute force titan).

I emphasize strength of mind, body and spirit. But a loss of one means affects another part of myself. As long as i keep my head i can keep my animal-nature at bay, keep my spirits up and keep my mind cool and level, maintain my body and grow in ability and maintains the spirit, but needs to be kept up by a strong mind. See how it all flows together? Its not that hard once you break it down, at least in my head.

I use the passion of my spirit to inspire my mind to remain level, lest i become a sallowed whisp of a man with no love or goals, just living dead long-suffering quitter. I use my iron will with my intuition and instincts, measured against past experience again (a product of observation) to fight temptations (ya know, those things in life that come with too much of a price? thats my definition of a temptation. sure it feels good to scratch that itch, bit its gonna cost you in the long run for that quick pleasure.) And i build by body up because i love to look good. i dunno, its that simple i guess. I'd much rather look like apollo than screech, ya know? why not work towards it? i use my observational skills to see which of my strengths to emphasize so i don't bang my head against a wall. For instance, some guys look good with long hair, not me. i haven't had shoulder length hair, but im of the opinion i look better with short hair. I would like to be all muscly, not only so i can run faster and jump higher and climb and all the other perks, but because it looks fuckin cool to be ripped! i want to be as ripped as i can without losing agility, flexibility, or performance. Big enough to still be lightining fast. I mean, you can be fast and small, but thats just chinese water torture at that point. the pitter pat of widdle fists availeth no victory.

so thats what inside my head is like. Me as the wise-cracking, loveable ninja warrior, guitar playing scientist. her as the playful, not always silent but most certainly deadly goddess, siren voiced muse, science magician. Both connoisseurs of the same pleasures, in thought and flesh, word and deed, dreaming and waking.

Love! I don't care if she's a botanist, sniper, dancer, violinist, pilot, pampered princess or author's daughter working in a bookstore. Or all of the above. Its the dreamer and adventurous woman i seek. Wants to live life to the fullest, with me! Fuck yeah! fights the man, sees the trees and forests, wants to attain her goals! just like me! the rest is just frosting! i gotta do what i can to be evermore ready! i love whoever she is that much, and myself that much, its a win-win way of thinking. I've lost my taste for anyone else. The tempting temporary fixes, the relationships i try to fake for myself or just use, or the ones who just don't fit.

the hardest part is still defeatable. Thats the time that passes by without that special other half of myself around. I should not focus on the empty space next to me, but gotta keep myself going to grow more while i got the time, i mean, why not? its also what i enjoy. i can still train the fighter, expand the scientist, and let loose with the musician if she's not here. it would just be better if she was. Someone to fight for and play with, someone to create and talk with, someone to please and sing about and play for.

for example, heres a situation and how it might play out in different ways.

I'm playing guitar, rather loudly, out in the garage or something. say she tells me to turn it down for whatever reason. I would be like "ya come and make me!" and when she came out and ready to reply soemthing like "what did you just say?" with either a ready to explode temper or icecold stare, i'd be right there waiting on the other side of the door saying "oh i just wanted you to come outside so your nips would get hard" and then quickly seal it with a kiss before she has time to react. Ya know, just playing around :D The type of woman who would get a skydiving instructor to fake passing out during a tandem skydive, or push me out when i wasn't looking. Thats my kinda woman!!! The kind of woman who is easy to turn on when i touch the right spot, or appreciates surprise flowers, or whoopee cushions. One who can jam with me, with whatever instruments we play. guitar and violin. drums and bass. Thats the perfect woman.

She exists. She is real, as real as i am at any rate (chew on that for a while, but not too long.) And that is who i am looking for. thats the next one. The last "one". and when we meet, it'll click. right then n there. Like a world full of people carrying around a tuning fork and a wine glass. We two have glasses tuned to eachothers forks. oh yes.

i went there. with the forking. did you just read all that? lol! i did. :D