hang on, lil tomato...

i feel stupid.

I jump the gun too much.

in my haste, i forgot a simple necessity. connecting wire....siiiigh.

and something i didn't expect: i can rearrange the parts and connect them properly even without the same type of board. i can follow the schematic slowly enough. the problem? i think i got the wrong kind of caps (the 10, 100, and 220 nanofarads and the 1uf) are all about the size of a grain of sand. each. the first one i tried to put leads on was absorbed into a glob of solder, which probably destroyed it. its a good thing i had to order them in sets of 10.

i fired off an email to dave to see if he could supply me with any new info.

its just that..... MAN i want to finish this and yet, im getting ahead of myself and thus slowing myself down in the long run....silly carts and horses. Like i explained to my brother nick earlier, i feel like a person who has only read books about swimming. and now im at the water.

you can imagine how that feels. I'm flying by the seat of my wicked awesome pants. and i'm very nearly wetting them on a constant basis.

and all alone. :( who needs a hug! I do! hooray, hugs!

so i'm on pause now because: half the caps in this circuit are too small to be utilized so far until i find out how to use them; and i have no connecting wire for the switches n pots, and unfortunately, i also have no idea how to connect things to the 4 pole, 3 way switches. there are 16 leads on them, and according to the diagram, only 4 things attatching to it. i want to slap myself for not catching that earlier. i swear, if we all lived together this would've been done already.

i know my strengths. and they are fucking awesome! but they aren't the same as others and thats why i need other people. teamwork. i may be a teamleader but getting along on my own is always slower than not. Im a selfish punk, i'll give you that, but i recognize the importance of social mutual construction.

i think my youth was too influenced by stories. i expect to skip "phases" that they skip in telling stories. the long, drawn out parts that get compressed into a few shots of a man ona horse in a desert, or a time release camera over the period of a month or something all flying by in a few seconds. BOOM! plant grown. BOOM circuit finished.

why am i in such a hurry? because the sad sad truth is this ninja has nothing else to do. i must be harder, better, faster, stronger.

but i didn't stop. i moved something tonite. I may not have acheived the desired results, but i didn't waste my time. wait, is that a contradiction in terms? o phooey.

i need some of edison's medecine.

an update on the perfect woman: she's a scientist.

today i regretted not going to school for a second, then i remembered that what i want in schooling and what i'd shell out for in colleges are two different things. I'm not necessarily smart like the 1600 SAT book memorizing socially incapacitated. It takes me a while, and lots of work to remember a type of equation or concept. but once i got it its there. no my strength lies in being able to make 10,000 combinations of everything ever. what you call crazyness can be focused to a useful endeavor in my eyes.

now that i have no more to solder tonite (i got prelim stuff done, resistors in place, some other caps in place, and the 8-pin chip mounts in place waiting for the rest of the stuff. siiigh. i feel like i'm making a mountain out of a mole hill just so it looks impressive.

at least 8 bit weapon was there to provide appropriate background music.

regardless of any sort of measurable accomplishment today, or lack thereof, i feel weird. Not like that disenchantment that comes from sitting still too long and floating away from the grounding of my dreams and goals (im only grounded when my head is in the clouds... i mean come on, the only people with both feet on the ground and both eyes in the sky are titans.)

ya know what it is? i know its something, but i also know that i have no idea what it is. so i won't bother my head about it, its not "my business". i'll wait for whoever is in charge of it to finish up and then i'll proceed.

i feel like i was successful, yet confused because my logical head says i've no measurably way of affirming this that i think i've observed. its that feeling like you've just missed some detail, only instead this time its a positive feeling, sort of. ok its wacked out and words hardly encapsulate what silliness i'm trying to convey. oi vey.

on the marrow of tommorow we feast...